Category: Safe Haven
Hi guys and girls,
I was just thinking about an experience I had with a volunteer counselor at a camp for the disabled I use to go to when I was a kid, and even up in to my teens. She was 17, and I was 14 at the time. Anyway, she asked me if I knew where she was, and I kept telling her, you're behind me. And she asked, how can you tell I'm behind you? and I said, I can tell by the direction of your voice. Well, she wouldn't let it go at that, and kept asking how I could tell. Finally, I put my hand out behind me and touched her hand, and said,see? you're behind me. And she said, How do you know I'm not a ventriloquist? Well, I'm usually not good at those clever and witty comebacks, at least not till I've had time to think about what to say and how to say it. But it came right to me, and I said, If you were a ventriloquist, you wouldn't be here, you'd be performing in a nightclub somewhere, I don't think you're here to help people. She was quiet for about a minute, then she said, I just thought it was funny, that's all. And I said, well, I didn't. In my opinion, her remark made blind people sound stupid. I just thought it was time for me to bring up a topic, and I had one or 2 stories about when I said exactly what was on my mind. So, just thought I'd ask, and see if anyone had similar experiences of some sighted people making comments that make us blind people sound stupid? I'm not the brightest person in the world, I know that, but I'm not the dumbest either. I see myself as quite average.
wonderwoman
HI Wonderwoman, Yeah, that is kidn of a mean joke, and that question is also kidn of ignorant in my opinion. I mean, even sighties can tell where someone is witho ut looking around. So that was kind of silly of her to ask, and to pursue it like that. I also don't liek when people continually say "guess who" or "do you know who this is," and disguise their voices to try and trick us blind people. I think that's dumb and very annoying.
Caitlin
exactly, why can't they just tell us who they are? I think it sort of flustered her when I told her if she were a ventriloquist, she wouldn't be there, because she wasn't really there to help people. I don't know what makes some people like that.
wonderwoman
Hey, I just thought of something. Ventriloquist, ventrilo! Is there a cnnection, do you think ehhehee? Anyway yes, that is kind of silly of her. And that was a good comback of yours, WW! hehehehe!
Caitlin
Thanks Caitlin, I'm not lucky that often, so it's a real treat when I have one of those quicky come back moments. Maybe the person who invented ventrilo is a ventriloquist? heehee.
wonderwoman
wonderwoman, awwwa that was mean. i would cry.
Well heather, believe it or not, but when I was a child, I would get my feelings hurt at the slightest sharp tone in the voice, and I'd cry at the drop of a hat. But I think because I'm older, and because of the tough times I've had on the accessible chat program, I've sort of gotten tougher, and although I don't start anything with people, if I think someone is trying to start up with me, I'll say something back quicker than you can say wonderwoman.
wonderwoman
I honestly don't have any stories I can recall, although in my past people did try to get my goat and at the time I gave them the reaction they craved. But the question is, exactly what was supposed to be so funny about what that alleged counsellor said to Wonderwoman? Sounds like that girl was making up questions to try and make Wonderwoman look ridiculous and stupid? How is that funny?
It's not funny, it's mean. Lol. And as for me, when peopel try to start something, I just stay calm and don't get mad, because that's what they want, and it sounds liek WOnderwoman did the same thing. So yay for that! hehehe! Caitlin P.S. Yes WOnderwoman, maybe the inventor of Ventrilo is a ventriloquist hehehe.
well I try not to get mad, but sometimes it's hard. I was just so thrilled that I came up with something clever and witty to put her in her place. I may not would ever be that lucky again, haha, but I get lucky once in a while.
wonderwoman
I understand it's mean, but I'm trying to see it from the mean person's point of view. What do they get from that kind of thing?
I've had a few similar things. A favourite was someone walking up quietly from behind me when I was destracted and flicking my ear and then sort of going away at speed. Another thing was they'd always try to remove my cain from it's hulster. They stopped that though after one after noonI just reached out and clamppt their shoulder pressure point, without even stopping my conversation, they sort of went away after that.
MJ
Oh my, that was really mean. Sounds like whacking them with the cane was the only way you could make them stop. I just don't know what some people get out of that sort of thing, but sounds like you really got them to stop, and leave you alone.
wonderwoman
Heheh yeah the only really mean thing that happened to me was these kids buried my cane while I was on the monkey bars in fifth grade. Other than kids just doing "guess who", disgusing their voices and pullign down my sunglasses, that's it. But I don't really mind those other thigns, I'm used to it, and I just ignore them heheeh. That's the best thing to do, I've found, because all they want you to do is get mad. So why give them that?
Caitlin
OMG people. I would cry. And wonderwomen when I said that in my other post I didn't mean literly, I just say "I would cry" a lot. Its kinda my phrase just to express my sadness or say that hurts or whatever. Lol but anyways, caitlin, I would cry.
Oh ok, I get ya. I don't understand things like that. I was in a class once, a one room public school, and there were 5 other boys in there, and I was the only girl. Those boys were mean, yuk. I'd be just minding my own business, and they'd start up with me, and once I was just reading a history book, and I noticed the dots started feeling kind of funny, and found one of the boys had poured salt all over the book. The teacher finally told them off, and told them to keep their mouths off of me.
wonderwoman
I don't get why people would do things like that either. If they didn't know any blind people before, it could just be out of ignorance. But if they did, (and they're the joking kind of person and the blind person hadn't gotten offended before), the sighted person might've thought it was OK. I'm not saying it would be the blind person's fault at all for that, but the person would figure that since joking was OK before and the blind person didn't react before, that anything would be OK. As for the repetative questioning, I think maybe she did that just to be annoying.
Leilani
One experience I had where I'm usually OK with joking but not at that moment, was when one of my uncles asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Usually, if someone asks that and we all laugh, I don't mind. Or they usually ask, "How can you watch the movie?" But this time, the way my uncle said it, I didn't like, and the fact that repeated it several times. I'm usually smiling anyway, but when he saw that I wasn't, he stopped.
Another time, this friend of my uncle's would always ask me who she was when she'd see me. But I wouldn't know because it's not like I'd always talk to her. I knew her name because my uncle introduced us, but was not used to her voice or anything distint about it. But one day, she impatiently said who she was and I somewhat felt bad but at the same time mad that she would seriously expect me to remember her like nothing. I also had another "guess who" experience with a janitor at my junior high school and sometimes now with my 9-year-old nephew. They would disguise their voices, but I would always know who they were. I find that funny though because I knew they were playing and wouldn't get mad if I got it wrong. *smiles*
Leilani
I hate when someone asks me who they are and I get it wrong! It embarrasses me sooo much, especially if it's a person I know well and should have gotten their voice! You know, when you just make a mistake, and you always, always know their voice. It's so annoying! Lol! I htink people should jsut stop asking that. It can be funny, but it gets old fast. And Wonderwoman, I can believe they pulled salto n your book! I would cry! Lol Heather. Anyway yeah. That's so evil!
Caitlin
i think a lot of this is born of ignorance on the part of the sighted person. blindness is the world's greatest fear. If you ask members of the public, most of them say they'd rather lose any facalty other than sight. I think wonderwoman's experience was of one of those sighted people who really don't want to understand anything, and are secretly fearful of blindness.
I agree with Dobbin, totally! People just don't understand about blindness, so they try to act like it doesn't bother them, or they make jokes at peoples' expense because they're insecure and unsure. That's what I think. And I don't know why people are more scared of losing sight than other things, that's really interesting.
Caitlin
I agree with you Caitlin, being blind isn't the worst thing, as for what's worse, well, I can't decide between paralysis and deafness, but I think most deaf people would say being blind is worse than being deaf. Mom says people tend to avoid blind people or blindness in general, because they don't want to think about it, or they don't want to think about the posibility of losing sight. Well, I wouldn't want to think about the posibility of going deaf, but I certainly wouldn't avoid deaf people because of that. Before I took that short sign language class in the workshops they had at the camp that year, I had no sense of deaf people's personalities, because you get a sense of a persons personality by talking to them, and if they were mute as well as deaf, which they mostly were, I couldn't talk to them, except through someone interpretting, which isn't the same thing. For one thing, they seem to take on the personality of who was doing the interpreting, which could make them seem rather mean and unpleasant, when they were actually good natured.
wonderwoman
i think being deaf is much worse because deafness cuts you off from the world and communication, but blindness cuts you off from just seeing people but communication is still there.
yes, that's true, but I don't feel I miss anything by not seeing what people look like. That actually has never interested me.
wonderwoman
I agree; I'd take being blind over being deaf in a second, because I can still talk to people and hear their voice. All I can't do is see what they look like, which has never been a big deal for me. It would probably be helpful to see expressions, but I don't think it's necessary, or even close to necessary, to have a good conversation and make friends.
Caitlin
I don't either, I can usually hear a fair amount of expression in people's voices. I've always been extremely sensitive to people's tone of voice. Sometimes I wish I weren't, sometimes it can come in useful. I guess it's one of those blessing/curse.
wonderwoman
Hi Wonderwoman, I t oo am very in tune to that ever present tone in peoples' voices. It's always there. You just have to listen for it. And like you say, it's a blessing/curse deal, where sometimes it's a great thing to have, and sometimes it's horrible.
Caitlin
exactly, if someone is the least bit irritable, I pick up on it instantly, and the persons' voice goes right through me. I think when I was real little, like 4 and 5, I wasn't atuned to it so much as I am now, it just sort of developed as I got older.
wonderwoman
Yeah, that makes sense; as you get older, the comprehension of those tones develops. I suppose it's because you are able to understand conversations more, and peoples' feelings, as well as how they sound when they feel a certain way. THat makes sense.
Caitlin
yeah, when I was real little, and I'd give an opinion, when someone would say, that's right, I just assumed they agreed with me, but as I got older, I could tell when they were only pretending to agree with me, just to passify me.
wonderwoman
Yes, I discovered thsi too. I wonder if sighties can tell thsi too, or if they rely moreo n expression.
Caitlin
I don't think sighted people rely that much on the voice tone, but more on facial expression. I mostly don't think sighted people have any voice sensitivity at all. For a while, I thought I was the only person in the world who was sensitive to people's voices, until some other people would comment on my tone at a particular time. Wow, I didn't know posts showed up this fast, this is almost as fast as text chat in a room.
wonderwoman
Well, as I see it, sighted folk rely mostly on the visual and the other senses are pretty much background stuff unless heir profession requires they use the other senses. People read by sight, get around by sight, and then there are all the nonverbal ways people communicate. So in their minds, losing sight would be the absolute worst thing. Sure, it may not be the absolute truth, but that's how they perceive things.
well, I can understand it to a degree, if you depend on something and always had it and then you lose it, then you'd naturally feel like something had been taken away from you.
wonderwoman
Hmmm where to start with this? I'll answer Caitlins question first, i can't speak for all sighties but I do notice the change in people's voices. Facial expressions can also be helpfull but they aren't everything. I don't think blindness is the worst thing in the world. As a sighted person I can't say I understand all aspects of being blind but I would rather go blind than be paralyzed from the neck down or be bed ridden with some other debilitating infliction. As for using our other senses. I think I use them as much as anyone else blind or sighted would, maybe not in the same way; for example if I was crossing the street I would look for cars and not listen for them, however I would still be noticably hearing them.
well, some people think we blind folk have have a much keener sense of hearing than sighted people do. I'm not sure if this is true or not, or whether we just listen harder. I think if you are born blind as I was, you don't miss something you never had to begin with. Even blindness and the bone thing isn't nearly as bad as being paralyzed would be. I don't really think about it, it's all I know.
wonderwoman
I think we just use our hearing more because we have to. I don't believe in hte idea that our hearing is overall better because we don't have sight.
I don't really think so either, but a lot of sighted people think we have special gifts to make up for the sense we don't have, but it's not true.
wonderwoman
Well, it's just part of the mythology. People can't imagine doing anything by themselves if blind, so they make up this thing about us having a sixth sense or supernatural powers or just super senses to explain it away. Really, much as I go on about it, I find all these myths fascinating and amusing because they're so far from the truth.
But all blind people can read print with their fingers, like Daredevil, right? And hear a train halfway across the country, right? And have a special understanding of the Greek Tragedies, being such tragic individuals themselves, right? Right? Right? Hehe... :-)
well, I don't think anyone has fingers that sensitive, I can't even tell there is any print on the page. Being able to read print with the fingers, well anyonee with super radar fingers, it would be so spectacular, it'd have to be on the 6 o clock news.
wonderwoman
Well Suzanne, it's too bad I can't find and introduce you to that counselor, you and she would've gotten along justfine, you sound just like her, haha.
wonderwoman
Well, wonderwoman, she probably would have thought I was serious in my above post. I hope you didn't... :-)
Hi Suzanne, well I wasn't sure, because I don't know you, butthanks for saying so. I think she was at the time, but that was 31 years ago, and sometimes I wonder if she's the same person she was back . I was 14 at the time, and she was 17, she would be 42 years old now.
wonderwomanthen
I've gotten the, "Guess who," bit from a few people in elementary school, but it pretty much died away in middle school. This one girl, however, kept blocking my way, until someone walking by told her to move. not too many blind jokes that I can remember
When I ask the names of other kids they will make it up but I'm smart enough to know that's not their real names because they come up with the most rediculous names. Then when I tell them they laugh like I'm stupid or something.
one thing i hate is when i tell people i'm blind, and instead of just accepting it, they keep asking me things like do you see black, and when i tell them no, they're like, well if you don't know what black looks like, how do you know you don't see black? a nurse did that to me once, and I was trying to be patient and thinking, she's a nurse? not very bright for a nurse. one girl at that camp kept asking if i could see her, and justdidn't accept totally blind, so finally I said, cover your eyes totally. she told me they were covered, and then i asked, ok, what do you see? she said,nothing. so then i said, ok, that's what i see.
wonderwoman
Have any of you had someone come up behind you, cover your eyes, and say, "Guess who?" That annoys the crap out of me. It doesn't happen anymore, but it did in elementary school.
I haven't had that, but I do know people who mess around and make stupid voices and ask if I know who it is. Well, of course I do because I know they're just being stupid.
I've had some of the "blind jokes", but let's keep in mind that people can make jokes out of anything if they want. We're not being singled out; it's just the way the world is. I'm sure jokes about fat, homosexuality, pollish, etc, irritate the respective people as much, but they happen, and that's just life.
Wonderwoman, that is a bit mean but I have a way of dealing with those people.
Now, I know your not a fan of falmouthedness so out of respect for you, I'll clean it up. I just inform the person that they're a pain in the rump and should vacate my personal space on the double!
Wow that was good sensoring, I should work for the F C C.
Lol.
to post 48. yes, my friend in high school used to come up to me and cover my eyes and ask me who it was. sometimes she would be scilent. once, she was caught doing this and she got in trouble. so she got a referral to the student resource center to talk to somebody there about it. i came with her to explain to them that it was a joke between us. after i explained her actions away several times, they let her go. we r still friends after all these years. i have known her for 9 years or so. we met in the chorus class and have been best friends ever since.i never took offence after i knew it was her. when she would come up behind me and cover my eyes, i would just smile and say, "hi amber." then she would take her hands from my eyes and hug me. u know. i actually never knew that she was african american until she told me? she sounded so educated. she didnt talk in ghetto language at all. so it really suprized me to find out that she was black, but it didnt make us click less or anything. in a matter of fact, i should call her today to see how she is doing.
wow ouch. what does her being black have to do with her being educated or not? geesh?
Yeah really. And, Somanea, that was cute. I only think it's mean when sighted people do that to each other.
They would do that in my high school all the time.
When we were younger, my cousins would try and be as quiet as they could so I wouldn't know I was there, and sometimes hide in my room after I took a shower. Needless to say, I got really good at detecting peoples' presence. I've been in physical conflicts with sighted people, and what they usually try to do is throw a punch, and run away. I learned to be quick and take them down before they could go anywhere. Other than that, I have no problems dealing with sighties, a lot owing to the fact that it is extremely difficult to offend me.
yep same here
and to shay, it doesn't have anything to do with it at all. she was from a different area and didn't talk like black people down in florida or georgia do. so i was suprized to find out that she was black because she didnt use slang or anything like alot of them use. she talked in proper english.
Not all black people use slang.
true. i realize that now.
I know white people who use slang so it goes both ways.
actually yeah i do as well.
it's so true.
no doubt